New School Year Tip: Create a no sarcasm zone
Posted by lizmanvell
Worth reposting as you get ready to start a new school year…
Witty humor or caustic mockery? Good-natured ribbing or anger with a smile?
Sarcasm. Widely used and widely misunderstood. Some people defend it while others condemn it. Is the line between sarcasm and innocent humor really that fine? Not if you look at what makes sarcasm unique.
We know it when we hear it.
Read these statements first with sarcasm and then as if you honestly mean them.
- (Student says she’ll bring the book in tomorrow.) Right, that’s going to happen!
- (Teacher was talking to a student.) It’s going to be a great year with you in my class.
- (There are papers scattered under a desk.) I love the way you always put your papers away so neatly.
- (Student couldn’t answer a question.) Keep this up and you’ll be a big success when you grow up.
- (Class has been doing poorly on tests.) I’m sure everyone is going to study hard tonight.
- (Student has a disciplinary note to give his parents.) I know you’ll have your parents sign that letter like you always do.
- (Teacher is looking at a messy paper.) Thank you. Your essay is so neat and legible.
- (Teacher is frustrated with the noise level.) I’m so glad I get to start each day with all of you. I must have a guardian angel.
Hear the difference? That core of insincerity and meanness? The little dig?
Sarcasm is saying the opposite of what we mean; there is an intentional contradiction between the literal meaning of the words and the social and emotional intent. It is a putdown couched in humor meant to embarrass or hurt, motivated by negative emotions – frustration, disgust, disdain, futility, anger, even hate – communicated through the context, the words chosen, and the inflection used.
Why is sarcasm one of the deadly sins of relationships?
Because it comes out of left field like a stomach punch, with enough of a grain of truth to breed insecurity. It puts us off-balance, even adults, and is particularly hurtful when aimed at children who expect adults to speak the truth. Sarcasm is verbal aggression with a smile, a sideways way to express criticism, which is actually more hurtful than the honest criticism it replaces. It is intentionally dishonest and kids need honesty to feel secure. It damages relationships instead of strengthening them.
Power differential + sarcasm = bullying + not funny
Teacher-to-student bullying, the same as student-on-student bullying, but with more emphasis on the power differential, is defined as “a pattern of conduct, rooted in a power differential, that threatens, harms, humiliates, induces fear, or causes students substantial emotional distress.”
The lack of understanding of the difference between humor and sarcasm and the venting it provides, and the false belief that it produces results, perpetuate the use of sarcasm for classroom management, student reprimands, and motivation. Yet, fear of embarrassment or ridicule is not a healthy motivator. Younger children and those with learning disabilities or Asperger’s syndrome will just be confused. With older students, sarcasm might get a laugh from the other children and short-term compliance from the target. But at what cost? A child’s feelings of self-worth, sense of security, trust in adults, and ability to concentrate and learn? A backlash of resentment and retaliation towards the teacher? Modeling the very disrespectful, unkind behavior that we complain about?
Good-natured humor, unlike sarcasm, is not mean or targeted at a specific person or group. It is a shared enjoyment of a comical or ironic situation, cleverness, or wordplay, motivated by our basic need to have fun. Laughing together helps us connect with each other and strengthens our bond. It is healthy, even necessary, especially in classrooms where students are our captive audience.
How do we create a no sarcasm zone?
We know it when we hear it, so we can do something about sarcasm if we:
- Evaluate and change our own behavior.
- Make sure we are honest and kind, with pure motives.
- Teach and model better ways of being.
- Treat students and their families with genuine compassion and respect.
Albuquerque City Schools offers this advice.
Replace the old way…Teacher communicating with sarcasm: “My, my, my. Aren’t you a smart class. It looks like by age 12 you’ve all finally learned to find your seat and sit down after the bell. And to think it only took you half of the morning to do it. I don’t know if there is another class in the entire school as smart or quick as you guys.”
With a new way…Teacher communicating honestly without sarcasm: “One of the expectations of this class is to be seated and ready to go to work when the bell rings. I appreciate those of you who were quietly seated when the bell rang today.”
Exactly. Straightforward, helpful communication, with no victims.
Posted on August 6, 2013, in Bullying and Harassment, Ideas to try, Perspectives and tagged building trust, bullying, compassion, empathy, feelings, malice, Motivation, new school year, positive school climate, Relationships, respect, victims, violence continuum. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.
Amen! Liz, thank you for bringing attention–and clarity– to this aspect of relationships that is such a powerful force in either supporting a positive, productive atmosphere or shutting down the potential for mutual support and reciprocity that is the hallmark of highly functioning systems.